Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
