This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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