We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
