Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
