i was born a porn star she said
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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