weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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