I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
