woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
