I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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