the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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