Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
