I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
