What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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