I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
