You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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