I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
