He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
