She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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