anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
