1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
