He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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