And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
