they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
