Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
