Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I party with great urgency now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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