So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
