she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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