If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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