Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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