I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
