My friends, they love my intelligence
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
