I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
