You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
