brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
