im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
