My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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