Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
