I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
