my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
