I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
