To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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