Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
