If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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