I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
