Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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