I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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