and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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