i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
