Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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