Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
