She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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