there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
