she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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