I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
