Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my shit smells like andre
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize