that's an acceptable place to lick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
