but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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