I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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