oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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