ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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