i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize