I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
