We're facebook friends in real life
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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