well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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