In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
