So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize