he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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