I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
