Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
