My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
