So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
