College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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