i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
