but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
