there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
