Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
