OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
