What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
