Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
