I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
even my farts smell like vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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