I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
