This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
MIDGETS
????
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
