end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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