batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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