It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
