Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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