totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
