im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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