i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
