sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize