I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
