I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
