used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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