Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
