if you like me you must not know who I am
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
