wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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