in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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