conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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