Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
