chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Im part way to drunk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
