Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
