Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
