Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think your dad took our porno
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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