I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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