the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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