You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
